Friend asked me last night how I felt about the cancelled art fair date.
As per usual my ‘never bothered self’ responded: oh no worries all is lovely. Then I looked up at the calendar above my desk and saw how I was preparing for it. How much heart and logistics went into this project.
I remembered how last year I applied for it, but as I missed the deadline really badly due to personal reasons I was put on a waiting list. Then month latter I had a spot.
I was dreaming, planning, sketching, painting, printing... my head opened for the idea this would be the moment I could show myself first time in an art world...
My art path has been a strange one. When I was a young boy I would create wild things, installations, performances, paintings. And then I printed invites and went to every person who lived in our village and invited them.
I had no fear. Followed my heart and just went for it...
When I got approved for the art fair it gave me so much new faith that maybe actually people will accept me as an artist.
That gave me a boost to do things I haven't done in a long time... I took myself, composed my art statement and samples of my works and emailed galleries, shops and people who I thought could help me to enter this world... I didn't expect huge sums of money and biggest art exhibitions but a word of advise, suggestions, a little bit of encouragement and mentoring. I got two responses both negative...
But I knew I had my art fair coming and it shielded me from being hurt.
...And now it is postponed maybe even until next year...
When my Friend asked me yesterday I gave him an answer my therapist still is trying to understand: I don't care. It is ok.
The thing is. I really care and it is not ok. It hurt me more than I wish to admit trying to give everyone a positive smile and encouragement.
The thing is sometimes happenings can get overwhelming and fill us with doubt or fear. They can trigger emotions from the past we pushed deep away. Make us feel powerless.
Current situation is so uncontrollable we have no tools within us to move on like nothing is happening.
Only thing I can do now is try to rest, try no to forget to eat well and drink enough water, try to do a little walk in a day, have a shower, watch a movie, try to sleep and communicate with others. Sometimes it is easier and I use those moments to let people know I miss them, to ask them how they are and tell them about myself.
We all talk big. Repost huge news and statistics yet what really matters is much smaller yet so important.
Wojtek PS. All the art can be found at my online shop. The frames from the pictures are bespoke and hand painted with limited edition gold prints inside. Each print is hand finished with gold leaf and inks and is limited to 3 numbered and signed coppies. Drop me an email if you are interested.
Appart from purchases you can support me as an artist sharing my page with your Friends via social media. Thank you. W