Never trust the surface judgement. Allow the obvious to slowly pass and wait for the new answers to form...
Growing up in Poland in 80s in a village determined the non-questionable religious education. In little class with Catholic imagery and priests highly devoted to the cause of enlightening and saving young souls.
Even now, after all those years thinking about shadows it has formed makes me uneasy.
In the time when kids explore and don't know any precautions I was heavily influenced by the preaching from the heavens above. Or so I was made to believe...
SUPERBIA. The idea was to unlearn. To go back to when I was pure. Before the life offered me lessons, traumas, education and religion. It is that moment when I played naively, just before I was told to stop, before someone slapped my tiny curious hands to grow within expectations rather than explore own answers. It is about going back to the moment I did anything because I loved the pure joy of discovering. Time when imagination would take me as high as I wished, before invisible hands chopped my wings.
It was a battle between young curious human and old restricting rules. On one hand I was climbing trees, playing games, exploring life whilst on the other there was a feeling of a burden that no matter what I attempted failure was the only path. Constantly fearing the punishment trying to prove I was worthy... not sure of what but there was that hunger to live life of perfection yet with the knowledge sin was already embedded deep within my soul...
Flickering feeling of helplessness. When happenings collide with emotions. Pulsating veins distribute poison of the threat. Unknown yet so definable. Buzzing energy of electric signals transmits crackling messages. Inner explosion.
GULA. The dialog I form while I create each piece is about venturing into forgotten. It is about art of taking time to understand, and getting as close as I can to letting go: of fears of, thoughts that question own worth and beauty, healing traumas and exploring the path of growth. Conversations about who I am, talks about raw and fragile. Dialogues to form supportive webs that enhance my being, support me with trust I am never alone.
All natural responses while I was growing were repressed by the unforgiving sight of mysterious Madonna. There was no escape from it. Not in the daylight neither at night I could hide anywhere. And the feeling that the list of sins was only growing. The feeling of helplessness and lack of hope. Cold stare of shaming judgment...
Sumas de Peccatis is about unlearning the obvious, questioning the knowledge absorbed through the skin when the defence mechanism was only forming. Virgin cells mutated by past. Accepting and learning anew...
Each sin represents path to understanding. The path of harm and self-hate: anger, sadness and self rejection. If I couldn't fill myself with purest love in adolescence how could I even try to live my life without guilt? Always burden of feeling there was something missing...
Each painting is the reflection of the original image, recognised by many. It is a dialogue between the surface and what is deep inside, map of human behaviours once the comfortable is removed. I wanted to form a dialogue by prompting response to the obvious. Art of conversation when convenience is gone.
ACEDIA. I decided to revisit most recognisable pieces of art as I wanted to offer each person a moment of comfortable recognition before stepping into the world of psychological and spiritual aspect. The obvious is a good start for the dialogue. Place where we feel equal yet curiosity pushes us to new depths and dimensions.
As I was growing I started battling with myself and knowledge I was embedded with. I was trying to reject rules yet the net was so tangled sometimes I couldn't recognise if the battle was against myself or others. The thought of not being pure and good enough would stain the fabric of my being. And it was drowning me in guilt, feeding sadness of being so powerless.
And as a human being who was made to believe any efforts were in vain I tried living and numb that eternal pain with mistakes. If you are a failure it can't get any worse can it?
So anger would grow...
IRA. I explored biology and human built with deep fascination for organic bodies and invisible net of cosmic spiritual world as an integral aspect of my art. It formed as a response to observations of the modern times and human interactions. World saturated with social media shallowness which offers very vain perspective on living, one that ensures equality and tolerance yet time when people fear imperfections and honest expression feeling judgment. By removing the obvious, the Surface we try to perfect, I wanted to push observers into questioning who we are and what is the essence if not the obvious. Our gender, culture, upbringing, religion, skin colour or sexual preferences are just topical and should never dictate our interactions between each other. There is a depth underneath skin colour that can be only defined by dialogue.
Each image I have chosen was dictated by a need to understand and to heal. Stories of weaknesses. Stories of mistakes, of mental pain would emerge challenging my own beliefs. Bringing to the surface dried stains of living.
Sumas de Peccatis is an essence of humans. Tale of growing and learning. Persistence despite the odds, against the unchangeable path we are put on. It is a story of life and living it. It is a story. My story as human. Particle in humanity.
